Naaah

It doesn’t look like I’ll polish off that room this week. I took a night off & did no decorating last night. I decided that I wanted to put up a ZUM!& review… so I did. We also have Caroline coming up from London to visit us – which will be good! It would be a bit rude of me to do the decorating while she is here tho…

Eve woke at about 10:20 late night – rather upset. She has not woke at this time for quite some time (she sleeps rather well for at least the first 4 hours of the night, as does Jack). She would not settle either, so Louise took over comforting, & still she would not settle. It’s a bit distressing when this happens, as there is plainly something amiss. She was not comfortable… Stomach ache – possibly just trapped wind though as she did a few class farts. It did take her just over an hour to settle down again. She went off to sleep in our bed, me already drifting off & Louise trapped in her daytime clothes as she was not going to let her go. There was no recurrence in the night, so we can but hope that it was wind, & she is over that. She has got some ‘bug’ at the moment as she threw up her tea again last night. It would have stayed down save for the fact that Jack upset her again, & her upset spiralled into distress & puke. This has happened a few times of recent… & Jack has been warned about such foolish behaviour at teatime. Teatime is not going as smoothly as we would like at the moment. It did not help that I was very late home yesterday… the trains going a bit pooh on me, & all that.

New people started at work yesterday. There will be 3 in all, but we only saw 2 yesterday – such is the staggering of the introductions. Too early to say what I think of anyone & how I feel they will fit in. The fact that they turned up in shirt & tie (we have a relaxed dress code, thankfully) makes judgement all the more difficult.

We shall see…

Groggy (gosh, what a surprise) this morning – polyfillering late again… It seems I always find a little that I can do. My alarm is having to protest at me for me to get out of bed. I normally respond automatically & just start the day, but I’m getting a dangerous tendency to lig a little longer.

Eve was reluctant to sleep last night & made quite a fuss about going in the cot, but go she did & fuss she did. It took a good long while for her to calm down, but Louise did not get her out of the cot again. She cuddled her, but did not lift her. We do not want her getting the idea of a precedence set. It was Jack who eventually calmed her down… Well, distracted her by complaining at her that she was being, “Too loud” so he “could not hear the story” I was tying to read. She turned round as if to say “what?” & from then started to settle again. She was excepting enough to lay back down in the cot with her rabbit & milk (not a ‘bottle with a teat’ – she’s never had one of those). Jack drifted off to sleep as I read Whinie The Pooh (he doesn’t like “big books” a a rule, but this one does have quite a few pictures in it). I got up to turn the light out to leave & Eve’s still awake. Uh-oh… Feel like I’ve been caught doing something that I shouldn’t be so I flap my arms nervously, grin sheepishly & say to her that, “I’m just turning the light off” do so & lie back down with Jack again. Just so she knows there’s someone in the room, like. I give it 5 minutes before I check & she has drifted off to sleep now. She was slow blinking when I stood up, so I guess the darkness was the final blow to wakefulness.

Wall work – I still have not finished the wall. It occurs to me it would have been quicker to learn the art of plastering, & skim the whole lot over rather than sitting patching & smoothing & farting about. Still – tiz getting there now. Quite a bit of time put in has left me with the last bit of alcove & the wall to the door. If time is put in & if things go well… I might actually get the bugger done – papered this week.

Got a pot of matt acrylic varnish to go on top – so we should be able to start doing that as well, & then it’s done & I can move to sorting the attic out… Oh joy.

Cooo Just looked at the Manchester skyline as I’m on the train leaving for home & there’s the Manchester Arena getting ready for the games next year.

Trying to think of some anecdotes of what the kids are up to at the moment, but that part of the brain seems closed off at the moment due to me being too tired. Nothing unusual there, then… Alarm had to struggle to wake me up this morning. I put it down to the cough medicine I glugged in the night to allow me to breathe unencumbered. Coughing & wheezing again. Seems like the sort of thing I get from dust, but not been moving stuff about. I guess it could be polyfiller dust… or possibly yer actual cough (as the rest of the family has something at the moment). Kids with dribbling noses & Louise with a ‘razor’ throat.

Louise was saying how the ‘lump’ reacts when Jack & Eve are singing (especially). I think it also reacts when they make a lot of noise. Eve used to react when we were reading Jack to sleep or singing to him. Both of them love singing. Eve has songs that she sings at playgroup, like, “Wind the bobbin up” that comes with actions & wants you to sing & join in with them.

That last bit of typing reminds me how much I enjoy playing with the kids, but make me worry also that I might be treating Eve with more ‘favour’ than Jack. I would love to be completely even handed – treating both equally, but I don’t – as they are not equal really. It’s difficult to expect too much from Eve. She’s too young to respect a single word you say to her, whereas Jack understands fully. Actually, I suspect Eve knows darn well when she is doing wrong, but as with both of them it’s difficult to get them to listen to a word you say. I am starting to expect more from Jack & he does not really like being told not to do something when he has his mind set on doing it. He either gets sad or angry when told not to do something depending on the situation. Sad is OK, & you feel for him or if it seems especially ridiculous you cannot help bug hug & chuckle. Mad is not good, as there seems no obvious way to calm him down. He has kicked me a good few times, & I cannot ignore that, so the situation can escalate. My usual solution if things get fraught is to pick him up & put him down sometimes. If that does not work I take him to his room to calm down. The best way out of that sort of situation really is to distract him onto something else, but I cannot really do that, as I do not like being attacked. I really hope that this does not continue as a trait between us as I hate making him mad. It’s the disciplinarian in me, I guess.

Moved my work PC over to Windoze 2000
today. Still a few things to do to get it functioning as I might
like, but on the whole it was painless. For someone who is not
wholly confident with putting PC’s together in general – with a bit
of help it was all done in a day. The secondary HD (my old one) was
not being detected at 1st, but that was to do with the bios, so
thankfully that was sorted too.

Got all my old files & all that
malarkey, so, hmmm – not so bad.

Still -I liked NT4 even tho I was derided.
I’m derided for being a Mac user tho – so what would I
care?

Not really getting that much done at home
this week. Not really sure why, but – what the hell… I’m too
tired in general to be bothered by it, but can’t switch off enough
to dismiss it.

The kids are going to be tired this evening
– they were both awake before I left for work. Be nice if we could
get them to bed early, but that would be too much to ask. I’ve
designated tonight a ‘don’t prat about on the computer – get some
polyfilering done’ night. Needs must.

Anxious today. Returning home from work
& inexplicably anxious. Can’t really give a good reason, as I’m
supposedly reassured, but that doesn’t help. I guess it’s all work
based. Got a internal mail of criticism yesterday that was stated
as not being directed at me, but nonetheless… Thought I’d talked
that through & felt better at the time, but as with paranoia it
creeps back at you.

Looks like we will get new staff joining
us, but that does not really help anxiety – perhaps creates more…
We have not been told that new people will be joining us.. but then
no secret has been made that recruitment is being done. As usual we
pick things us by assimilating snippets & gleaming
titbits.

i dunno – i think it’s that which is making
me anxious, but I’m not really sure.

bugger

This evening before tea Jack was drawing, & then wanted some scissors, then rushed into the kitchen with the train. We were delighted, so he cut out some more shapes & drew the truck & car in them

Meant to do some of the ol’ polyfilering
yesterday, but I broke my spatula thing (what do you call it?) On
Sunday’s effort. I have a putty knife, but it’s difficult to get a
smooth edge with that. Instead I spent the evening trawling for
comics/cartoon references of ‘the news’ as Pete on his bugpowder comics blog
had said that comics don’t seem very important at the moment. I am
seeing some very good editorial cartoons in the papers I read, so I
thought I’d try to prove a point by finding some. Bit problematic
though as it seems most newspapers do not deign to put their
cartoon/illustrative work on their websites. bah. Would like to
have seen Chris Riddelll there & so forth, but it was not to
be. I did find some content to put my counter to Pete’s statement,
but when I tried to post it, it would not go. A bit frustrating all
round.

Louise is getting warmer – incubating the
new baby perhaps? Heh. I’ve noticed that when we hug she is warm
& when I go for a shower she has turned up the temperature too
high for me to bear. The ‘lump’ is beginning to show a little now.
She has been wearing clothes that might disguise its presence, but
it is there… Other mothers who don’t know she is pregnant are
starting to give her quizzical looks. It’s not that she’s hiding,
we’re just not the sort to announce to all & sundry (&
here’s me typing away – heh).

There is too much to take in at the moment.
Trying to get a grip on world issues that require focus, when
there’s so much going on, but then only one thing going on. The
rest of the world is demand to stay still while we all contemplate
the future… but the world will not stand still.

Platitudes on my part… all words written
on this subject have that annoying echo at the moment
though.

Israel has been ‘at war’ with ‘terrorism’
for… how long now… probably since it’s inception – & is it
any closer to winning? It seems far more like it’s been getting a
lot worse this past year… why might that be? Could it be that it
is ‘at war’ with ‘terrorism’ & this war only sows the seeds of
greater discontent & desperation? Gosh – surely not – that
would be self defeating, surely?

sigh

It depresses me that I read that Israel are
taking the opportunity to metaphorically rub the Palestinians noses
in it, when Arafat is calling for restraint for the very reason
that Israel will feel it can act with impunity… when it already
is. Tanks in Jericho, shelling in Bethlehem, missiles in Gaza,
unrealistic demands for cease-fire & peace talks
vetoed.

It alarms me that Pakistan has agreed to
America’s demands for ‘assistance’ in their ‘war on terrorism’ – be
this as a base for attacks or whatever. It makes me despair that
America might see this as a good thing… I mean – Pakistan is no
democracy – it’s a military dictatorship that relies on the support
or right wing fundamentalist parties for a lot of their support…
& what are they going to make of this… a country in dispute
with it’s neighbour India over Kashmir & a fledgling potential
nuclear power…

And in this country… The BBC apologises
as ‘Question Time’ is deemed to have been offensive as it seems
that it was suggested that America’s ‘attitude’ to Islamic states
in general & its perceived intransigence might have been one
of the factors involved with the fact that the attack happened in
the 1st place. Freedom of speech is not actually a ‘right’ in this
country, no matter what might be thought.

America acts like a colonial power while
hating colonialism & Israel fears aggression while acting like
the aggressor. Thus we become the things we hate.

I rant on – don’t get me wrong; I am
willing to admit I am misinformed when presented with a coherent
argument. I am willing to be told that the rumours of scenes that
were shown on the day of ‘the news’ of Palestinians celebrating on
the event are not old footage.

All I really want, like most people, is
peace & justice, but it seems a lot of people cannot see that
the 2 are not mutually exclusive.

I write this because I feel I need to say
it to someone other than my wife as we agree too much on the
subject & I probably fear having to explain myself in a
conversation. The ‘printed page’ is a very handy outlet.

Oh, indulge me – let me rattle my little
cage where I don’t care who’s watching.

Jack shouted out, just I was going to bed,
“I’ve got another thingy!” a couple of times. Went in the kids room
to see how he was & he was still sound asleep… So that was a
little odd. He had quite a disturbed night’s dreaming. Shuffling
round a fair bit after he came into our bed & mainly cuddling
up to me instead of Louise… so… Louise had a good nights sleep,
whereas I found myself bunched up at the end of the bed. He had
even got out from the covers at one point & was facing the
wrong way, so I had the delight of having his feet in my
face…

Was (my brother) Neil & Jessica’s
engagement party at the weekend. It would have been good to go, but
logistic & expenses were against us. Mum called us on Sunday
morning. It was, I guess, to tell us how it went. Jack answered the
phone & spoke to mum for a good 10 minutes letting her know
what he had been doing of recent. Mum said that the party at
Jessica’s parent’s house sounded rather grand. They had dropped off
things at the house & popped of for a round of golf. They got a
bit stuck in traffic (be it on the course or the home road is
unclear) but thought all was well, as they thought it all started
as an event at 1:00 pm. It seems that there was a bit of a
misjudgment there… as the ‘ceremony’ was actually at 1:00. They
missed it!! So Neil’s side of the family let him down in Jessica’s
family’s eye’s badly. Ah, well.

Before we went out to Leeds today, (well, that’s where we ended up again) Jack sat down & did the shopping list. He is loving writing at the moment.

Been messing about with this part of the site – the diary – when I’m supposed to be whipping myself over sorting out the ZUM! stuff… Still, I’m quite please with all my messing about. The code for the pages is a damn site better/cleaner & It’s good practice. I should start doing the same with the ZUM! site. Plans… plans…

Jack asked Louise yesterday if there was anyone on the plane? It’s not like he has seen pictures on the television or anything. We are worried at this age the glamorisation of such an event would take precedence over the reality of it. Talking of that… I managed to catch a few moments of early evening ITV news, & while there was some meaningless news waffle they showed pictures of the second plane hitting the tower repeatedly from differing angles. Once or twice would have underlined the horror, but this was again, & again & again! If that is not glamorisation, I don’t know what is. Yes, anyway… I thought Jack’s question was very well… attuned. He has heard things on the radio (as we have Radio 4 on the background most all the time) & may have heard the teachers talking bout it at lunchtime, from what Louise gathers. Anyway, Louise was a little taken aback by this question, but gave a very good answer of, ‘Yes, & there were people in the building too’. To which Jack seemed sated in terms of curiosity.

Eve is comprehending books more. To start with she really got fixated on books illustrated by Stephen Cartwright as he puts a little duck or something on each page, & Eve would want to look at these books to find the duck, or as she says “Wack-wack!”. Louise says that she’s heard that this is a good 1st step in reading… heard somewhere that academics say that encourages the child to look for patterns, or some such. Now we have a ‘Goldilocks & the 3 bears’ illustrated by this fella & Eve blows the hot porridge & empathises with the baby bear when his chair is broken (“Daddy fix it” says Louise). An interesting development – empathising with the book.

Jack’s writings

Jack’s house (school picture)

‘The News’ was breaking as I was winding up at work yesterday… Oh, that sounds just too stupid… We tried to get some web cam footage from NY as all the news websites were timing out. The BBC eventually dropped ‘off the map’ under the strain. We managed to get some pictures just as I was leaving & it all looked worse than we thought.

It was, of course, much worse. Such platitudes are written worldwide at the moment.

When I got home, (when the kids were away in the garden playing) Louise & I turned on the TV & winced as they showed pictures of the event.

When the kids were in bed we looked again. News saturation does not suspend disbelief.

The NY skyline will never be the same. It will cease to be recognisable – just another city.

Paranoia about the future begins all over again. Media speculation is rife, & centres at the same hot point of speculation that was focused on after the Oklahoma bombing (we were actually in America then). Time may never tell. Truth may be lost in expedience.

I sat in my corner pollyfillering my wall.