Archives: paul

Anxious today. Returning home from work
& inexplicably anxious. Can’t really give a good reason, as I’m
supposedly reassured, but that doesn’t help. I guess it’s all work
based. Got a internal mail of criticism yesterday that was stated
as not being directed at me, but nonetheless… Thought I’d talked
that through & felt better at the time, but as with paranoia it
creeps back at you.

Looks like we will get new staff joining
us, but that does not really help anxiety – perhaps creates more…
We have not been told that new people will be joining us.. but then
no secret has been made that recruitment is being done. As usual we
pick things us by assimilating snippets & gleaming
titbits.

i dunno – i think it’s that which is making
me anxious, but I’m not really sure.

bugger

This evening before tea Jack was drawing, & then wanted some scissors, then rushed into the kitchen with the train. We were delighted, so he cut out some more shapes & drew the truck & car in them

Meant to do some of the ol’ polyfilering
yesterday, but I broke my spatula thing (what do you call it?) On
Sunday’s effort. I have a putty knife, but it’s difficult to get a
smooth edge with that. Instead I spent the evening trawling for
comics/cartoon references of ‘the news’ as Pete on his bugpowder comics blog
had said that comics don’t seem very important at the moment. I am
seeing some very good editorial cartoons in the papers I read, so I
thought I’d try to prove a point by finding some. Bit problematic
though as it seems most newspapers do not deign to put their
cartoon/illustrative work on their websites. bah. Would like to
have seen Chris Riddelll there & so forth, but it was not to
be. I did find some content to put my counter to Pete’s statement,
but when I tried to post it, it would not go. A bit frustrating all
round.

Louise is getting warmer – incubating the
new baby perhaps? Heh. I’ve noticed that when we hug she is warm
& when I go for a shower she has turned up the temperature too
high for me to bear. The ‘lump’ is beginning to show a little now.
She has been wearing clothes that might disguise its presence, but
it is there… Other mothers who don’t know she is pregnant are
starting to give her quizzical looks. It’s not that she’s hiding,
we’re just not the sort to announce to all & sundry (&
here’s me typing away – heh).

There is too much to take in at the moment.
Trying to get a grip on world issues that require focus, when
there’s so much going on, but then only one thing going on. The
rest of the world is demand to stay still while we all contemplate
the future… but the world will not stand still.

Platitudes on my part… all words written
on this subject have that annoying echo at the moment
though.

Israel has been ‘at war’ with ‘terrorism’
for… how long now… probably since it’s inception – & is it
any closer to winning? It seems far more like it’s been getting a
lot worse this past year… why might that be? Could it be that it
is ‘at war’ with ‘terrorism’ & this war only sows the seeds of
greater discontent & desperation? Gosh – surely not – that
would be self defeating, surely?

sigh

It depresses me that I read that Israel are
taking the opportunity to metaphorically rub the Palestinians noses
in it, when Arafat is calling for restraint for the very reason
that Israel will feel it can act with impunity… when it already
is. Tanks in Jericho, shelling in Bethlehem, missiles in Gaza,
unrealistic demands for cease-fire & peace talks
vetoed.

It alarms me that Pakistan has agreed to
America’s demands for ‘assistance’ in their ‘war on terrorism’ – be
this as a base for attacks or whatever. It makes me despair that
America might see this as a good thing… I mean – Pakistan is no
democracy – it’s a military dictatorship that relies on the support
or right wing fundamentalist parties for a lot of their support…
& what are they going to make of this… a country in dispute
with it’s neighbour India over Kashmir & a fledgling potential
nuclear power…

And in this country… The BBC apologises
as ‘Question Time’ is deemed to have been offensive as it seems
that it was suggested that America’s ‘attitude’ to Islamic states
in general & its perceived intransigence might have been one
of the factors involved with the fact that the attack happened in
the 1st place. Freedom of speech is not actually a ‘right’ in this
country, no matter what might be thought.

America acts like a colonial power while
hating colonialism & Israel fears aggression while acting like
the aggressor. Thus we become the things we hate.

I rant on – don’t get me wrong; I am
willing to admit I am misinformed when presented with a coherent
argument. I am willing to be told that the rumours of scenes that
were shown on the day of ‘the news’ of Palestinians celebrating on
the event are not old footage.

All I really want, like most people, is
peace & justice, but it seems a lot of people cannot see that
the 2 are not mutually exclusive.

I write this because I feel I need to say
it to someone other than my wife as we agree too much on the
subject & I probably fear having to explain myself in a
conversation. The ‘printed page’ is a very handy outlet.

Oh, indulge me – let me rattle my little
cage where I don’t care who’s watching.

Jack shouted out, just I was going to bed,
“I’ve got another thingy!” a couple of times. Went in the kids room
to see how he was & he was still sound asleep… So that was a
little odd. He had quite a disturbed night’s dreaming. Shuffling
round a fair bit after he came into our bed & mainly cuddling
up to me instead of Louise… so… Louise had a good nights sleep,
whereas I found myself bunched up at the end of the bed. He had
even got out from the covers at one point & was facing the
wrong way, so I had the delight of having his feet in my
face…

Was (my brother) Neil & Jessica’s
engagement party at the weekend. It would have been good to go, but
logistic & expenses were against us. Mum called us on Sunday
morning. It was, I guess, to tell us how it went. Jack answered the
phone & spoke to mum for a good 10 minutes letting her know
what he had been doing of recent. Mum said that the party at
Jessica’s parent’s house sounded rather grand. They had dropped off
things at the house & popped of for a round of golf. They got a
bit stuck in traffic (be it on the course or the home road is
unclear) but thought all was well, as they thought it all started
as an event at 1:00 pm. It seems that there was a bit of a
misjudgment there… as the ‘ceremony’ was actually at 1:00. They
missed it!! So Neil’s side of the family let him down in Jessica’s
family’s eye’s badly. Ah, well.

Before we went out to Leeds today, (well, that’s where we ended up again) Jack sat down & did the shopping list. He is loving writing at the moment.

Been messing about with this part of the site – the diary – when I’m supposed to be whipping myself over sorting out the ZUM! stuff… Still, I’m quite please with all my messing about. The code for the pages is a damn site better/cleaner & It’s good practice. I should start doing the same with the ZUM! site. Plans… plans…

Jack asked Louise yesterday if there was anyone on the plane? It’s not like he has seen pictures on the television or anything. We are worried at this age the glamorisation of such an event would take precedence over the reality of it. Talking of that… I managed to catch a few moments of early evening ITV news, & while there was some meaningless news waffle they showed pictures of the second plane hitting the tower repeatedly from differing angles. Once or twice would have underlined the horror, but this was again, & again & again! If that is not glamorisation, I don’t know what is. Yes, anyway… I thought Jack’s question was very well… attuned. He has heard things on the radio (as we have Radio 4 on the background most all the time) & may have heard the teachers talking bout it at lunchtime, from what Louise gathers. Anyway, Louise was a little taken aback by this question, but gave a very good answer of, ‘Yes, & there were people in the building too’. To which Jack seemed sated in terms of curiosity.

Eve is comprehending books more. To start with she really got fixated on books illustrated by Stephen Cartwright as he puts a little duck or something on each page, & Eve would want to look at these books to find the duck, or as she says “Wack-wack!”. Louise says that she’s heard that this is a good 1st step in reading… heard somewhere that academics say that encourages the child to look for patterns, or some such. Now we have a ‘Goldilocks & the 3 bears’ illustrated by this fella & Eve blows the hot porridge & empathises with the baby bear when his chair is broken (“Daddy fix it” says Louise). An interesting development – empathising with the book.

Jack’s writings

Jack’s house (school picture)

Perhaps if I slept a little more, I would not feel like my head was a deep well from whence specific recollection a was leaking bucket.

Ah well. Too much to do.

Got a little decorating done – which actually met my personal target of completing that little bit by such & such. Next bit is the alcove at the other side of that chimney breast – which is also a bit of a mess & needs a fair it of polyfillering… Louise said, “Ah, that’s good, if we can get the rest of the wallpapering done by this time next week…”

Perhaps a tad ambitious, but… well you never know! If the wall patching goes well, it might not seem such an outlandish target.

Eve seems to be coming down with a little cough. Her voice was a little husky yesterday afternoon. I probably have the same, as I felt like I had been sorting out dusty books again as I tried to sleep last night. As all were in our bed I went to Jack’s bed so that I felt free enough to cough, sniff & splutter without disturbing anyone. Hopefully it will not effect her too adversely. She was not eating as well as she usually does over the weekend, but then, she is still suffering with teething as her canines take a while to come through. Fingers in mouth a lot… & biting her nails still… How do you tell a 22 month old not to bite their nails!

She understands most things fully well, & communicates as much as she needs to as well. I seem to recall Jack’s language development having more structural flow – more word strings… but she gets by happily on 2 or 3 word string sentences. Has opinions like, “No want that” as well. I heard her bossing Louise about while I ligged in bed on Saturday morning, demanding “cereal”, “spoon”, “milk” & suchlike.

Daredevil on the backstreet as well. Likes to get a good speed up on her trike, or sit-on-truck. She seems to be able to stop well enough although she’s a bit tough on the shoe leather. Amber & Hamish have been playing around at our house quite a lot as well. I had Jack & Hamish very interested in my wallpapering for a while on Sunday. I looked out the window later & there was Jack, Eve, Hamish, Amber & Jessie all at the table on the front patio at one point yesterday. Jessie, I think, is in the same class as Jack at school, & lives on the street at the end of our cul-de-sac. Although he lives essentially a few doors away, he has only just started playing out with the rest of the kids from the street, or rather off from his side of the road. With all these kids about it does sometimes feel like we have an open house.

I assume they got the class to draw a picture of themselves.

Did I get any decorating done last night? Did I chuff! I did ‘play’ on the computer though. Got a nice chunk of redesigning the bits behind this page done*. Rejigged it so that it is better HTML & uses CSS so that it’s… well, basically better code & easier to ‘administrate’. Not seemingly a lot of good, but it’s a pride thing. I’d been playing with icab as a browser again. It’s a nice little thing, but if a page has ‘bad’ HTML coding it has a little icon of a ‘smiley face’ on the menu bar that goes red & unhappy. I thought I’d cheer it up. There’s still a <strike> code in the August page which I want to keep – so it’s only moderately happy there.

Louise & I were chatting about how well the kids are doing at the moment. She’s chuffed at the was Jack has settled into the school routine so well. I don’t really get that much of an impression on how he is doing, as, I guess Louise gets the detail off him. He did say to me that they had done ‘curly c’ yesterday, but then he knows most of his letters now. The social side of things is enjoyed. They played out 3 times yesterday…

Eve seems to be coming on very well with her language. Louise says that they chat most of the day, so I guess that she would. She says Eve’s ability to copy words is impressive. When talking of colours (which she does not quite ‘get’ yet) she repeated “bluey-green” after the one speaking. Not a useful word, but quite a complicated one. Eve is picking up on singing as well. ‘Wheels on the bus’ was sung yesterday & Eve joined in & may well have been singing it afterwards to. She does sometimes break into a rendition of ‘Twinkle Tinkle Little Star’ but only a few phrases. As we were doing the bed time routine yesterday, I was having difficulty concentrating on reading to Jack as I was listening to the conversation Louise & Eve were having as she tried to persuade her that she should go into her cot.
A lot of replies from Eve like, “No bed”, “No Cot” & even a “No thank you”. Choice was not really an option in the end, & she did go in her cot with the minimum of complaint (crying about the injustice of it all).

*original html based diary pages

i am special …say it every day

Write a comics review? Write the diary? Write a comics review? Write the diary? Write a comics review? Write the diary?

…..

Well, as there are details that I would like to say about what Jack’s been doing at school, & as my memory is feeling scorched by tiredness (detail eludes me) – reviews it is. Maybe I’ll be back writing more diary in a minute…

Hectic couple of days at work & home, so travelling home today is my 1st writing time. My fault for trying to do too much at home. Been actually starting to write some comic reviews again, & although they are not fully formed enough for ZUM! as yet, I thought I’d bat them off to a review zine in the states. Dunno what will come, but why not thinks me. I was too late to bed last night, so have a ‘background’ headache now, due to tiredness.

Jack’s 1st day at school went well, according to reports, although he was a little tired. He was lying on the sofa watching “The Travelling Thornburys” (my favourite cartoon at the moment) when I got home. Louise says that she was worried how he’s be when he came out from school – overexcited or whatever, but he was happy & placid. He had a good day at school, likes his teacher, & had some stories & … well, rather enjoyed it. It’s not really as if the surroundings are unfamiliar as it is the same school as he has been attending ‘nursery’ school at. He is now in what is termed ‘reception class’.

Louise didn’t tell me how leaving him there was, but then, as said, this is just next from nursery. The school day started later yesterday, but it was a normal start time this morning, which may have been more difficult. Everyone was asleep in the house as I left this morning. Hopefully everything went well, but Louise had go clothes, shoes etc all prepared the night before, so in theory everything will have gone smoothly.

It was just Louise & Eve yesterday, & Louise said that Eve did not stop talking & noise making all day.. well, we knew she was loud, but I guess that Jack has also been around masking the noise she makes on her own. She had fun by the sound of it – playgroup & more attention to just her. Heh… there’s girl about Eve’s age, with an older sister about Jack’s age. She was there at playgroup, & when she say Louise & Eve – she greeted them as Jack. It seems as she likes Jack, both Eve & Louise also must be called the same.

Jack was a bit difficult at tea time yesterday, as he can be sometimes. He did not want to come to the table to eat, so we didn’t bother trying to force the issue. He was mean to his sister when she had finished, a lego dispute again – he was trying to build something & she pinched a brick, that was either next to or part of his construction, he hit her, she got so upset she ‘lost’ her tea… so, effectively none of them had a tea, really. Jack did not get a tea after that mayhem. All calmed & cleaned up reasonably quickly, but it is especially disheartening for Louise when that happens as she spends this time cooking the meal, only to have it all messed up. Nice meal too – a new sweet & sour… Hey ho…

Dad called last night for ‘tech support’ on his computer. It seems, as he is entirely new to a windows or generally GUI interface, he was a bit rash with the left & right clicking, & somehow ended up getting too high a monitor resolution. He got it back to normal eventually in ‘Safe Mode’, but it took a few goes, & we also installed the printer drivers so that he could do what he wanted to do. Quite good to get that bit sorted – next to get him online!

Got home from work yesterday & Louise was sewing tags into Jack’s school clothes… Today, I guess he will get dressed up for school, but it is not the start. He is going with Louise to meet his teacher, whom they already know from contact through nursery class. Tomorrow is the ‘big day’. It’s sort of scary really, when you think about it too much…. He’s going forward into the ‘system’. Obliged to attend. You could say that he is ready for it as he seems keen to be learning, but nonetheless I resent the fact that his days will be taken up by this for the rest of his childhood & beyond. Our influence will also be less central. He is an open & friendly child, but he also lacks guile. Louise said the other day that she thought he was a little green… She caught him mentioning to another lad on the street that Eve had wee’ed on his Postman Pat duvet the other day… He got an, “Eeyurgh!” reaction from the other lad. Ah, he’s sweet & sociable – he should get on. He has some of our quirks, but we can do little about that.

Sigh.

Thinking about it too much…