Archives: paul

Not a thought in my head. Is that so unusual? It would be nice to just drift for a bit.
Pootled about after work in Manchester yesterday & looked at a few pairs of glasses. Humph. The pair I liked will most likely be too expensive at £120.00. The shops that sell glasses are always the same. D&A will remain my least favorite, although it’s where I always got my glasses as a kid. My parents must have liked them… were they different then? Now they are very aggressive (with that mask of helpfulness). Just browsing I try to say to the hawk that swoops on me when I start to look at frames, but she persists & waffles extolling virtues & outlining offers. She also suggests that I partake of the ‘designer matching’ service (or some such) – seemingly unaware of the implicit suggestion that I do not know which pair of glasses might or might not suit me. It’s not just about the vanity of how they sit on yer face; it’s also about personality. Whatever – suffice to say, as soon as her attention switched to a helpless looking old lady, I was outa there.
Also wandered round large record store wondering what on earth I was doing (looking for) & feeling bilious.

Eve was tired last night – she wanted to get in the bath almost straight after tea (which she wolfed) – so we ran her a bath. It all worked quite well. Jack most likely got to feel he was up later than usual, & was very good going to bed. She woke at 5:10 hollering for mum – which was a drag, but unlike yesterday I managed to get her to sleep again (phew). …It’s just a shame I didn’t get to sleep again, but never mind.
brain would like to stop having to commit to thinking now. Thank you, & good day.

Gripe: shite train – no tables – typing on lap (oh, & it’s running late, but that never bothers me as I leave plenty of time for getting to work).
Jack was… well I’m feeling conscious that I seem to put every run in we have down here & it’s not really fair on him. He was difficult at bedtime yesterday & I upset him because of this. We managed to calm down eventually & we were left with the situation that Jack & Eve were in his bed as I read to them. Eve was just dropping of to sleep & Jack started knocking her. I said not to & he just about started hitting her. Granted, it’s his bed & he does not share it when I read to him, but it was a situation that his behavior had created. So – Louise had just managed to get Jude asleep & took Eve into her bed to get her to drift off. I was mad at Jack for being insolent & unhelpful again after we had just been through all that, & he had moved on. Grumpy as I was I was not willing to read anymore to him, but Louise told me off & told me to read. I was rather pleased about this as it gave me the room to be grumpy & voice said displeasure at the situation, but still carry on reading so that things progressed ‘normally’ & Jack drifted off to sleep instead of getting annoyed with me & staying up later than he should.
This morning did not go to plan either. Eve awoke crying just as I was getting out of the shower. Hurriedly scooped her up & got her back into bed, but she was settling to sleep again, but… not quite – which was frustrating. She eventually won when things were starting to get too late to be practical – I needed to be getting going to actually have some breakfast. In the end all the kids are awake before I leave the house in a dash (but determined not to be too much of a dash, as I’m not confident I’m fully better). I dislike hurry in the mornings, but sometimes it seems difficult to avoid.
Eve is very ‘clingy’ with me at the moment – I carried her all the way to pick Jack up from school & on hunt for an open barber for a haircut for him (which he desperately needs at the moment). She also clung to me. We did not find an open barber.

Louise’s mum comes today & I get to linger in Manchester a little after work. A couple of little jobs to do & I’m going to have a look at glasses. Both Louise & I are going to get new glasses. I want to do a little window shopping today

Back to the routine after last week’s disruption. Sigh.
The moon was high & bright at 5:30 when I woke up. Jude again seems to have taken this as the arrival of the day, but unlike yesterday I was up, & Louise didn’t really manage to get him off to sleep again. We had reports from other parents that the full moon aglow has fooled other kiddies as well. I guess it depends which was their windows point. Fortunately Jack & Eve’s room looks the other way.

We got the re-mortgage sorted now – all the bits & bobs came through on Saturday morning. It makes little difference in terms of outgoings excepting that I am now covered on life insurance & all that stuff; that’s a novelty. We can plan a trip to Ikea & start getting the rest of the things organised that we need to do with this money. It ain’t a vast amount & I’m sure it’ll be gobbled up quick – but shelves & a back door & replacement windows & a new bath might come to pass.

We had a few details to tie up with the bank on the Saturday morning, so we trooped off there before we set off to Hebden Bridge for a scout about. Louise brought back reports that Bionicles were on sale there – so this had to be checked. Sure enough they were & we bought one for Jack. I have some in standby that I’ve managed to get off ebay – so there were limits to what we could buy. I told Andy of these reports as well as their lad Hamish likes them too. Shot myself in the foot rather though as the ebay bionicles were also for Hamish’s forthcoming birthday present. Regroup – rethink. Silly me.

We had 2 birthday parties for Jack to attend this weekend. One was more for Eve, but we were all invited. I wonder when, demographically, most birthdays occur?

Travelling into work on the train as usual… Sigh.
My mind is not the usual fog of grasping at remembering through the fog of a fuzzy brain that would much rather have not arisen at 5:30. I was actually physically dithering this morning – a little of the shakes. At least I got to have the last of the steroids. The antibiotics look like they’ll last me into the weekend & the inhaler will have to live with me for a good while yet. I only used it the once yesterday & I haven’t really needed it today. Hopefully I can get away with minimal usage. Still I was hoping that I’d be feeling stronger & more confident that I do at this moment. Still – it’s only early yet. Still…
Louise has to face the kids at home alone this morning. Jude’s been an imp in the night – not settling down very well. As usual he’s happy – but Louise is going to be more tired than she needs to be from that. He’s due his hearing test afternoon. He may not cooperate. They had to give up with Eve in the end as she was too canny by the time they managed it, & Jude could be the same. Louise is supposed to sit there & distract him into looking forward while someone behind them makes a noise. Jude is likely to be as interested as Eve was at whet those people behind Louise think they’re doing. He’s a social animal – he likes to interact.
Is Jack going to be upset that I’ve changed routines yet again? Both Jack & Eve have enjoyed me being there in the morning, but it’s made things more difficult as well as easier as morning routines go. Apparently there are often tears in the morning when it’s realised that I’m not there, but when I have been & I’m not… Ah well. Depends who wakes 1st I suppose. Eve woke just before 6:00 this morning, but I tucked her into bed with Louise (& the already awake Jude) & she dropped off to sleep again. A too uncommon thing is for Eve to wake 1st in the mornings & come crying downstairs & cry as I’m not there etc. Then she has some breakfast & gets in her usual chirpy mood. Jack then wakes up & is upset & is even more upset with Eve gleefully announcing “Daddy’s gone to work!”

Still at home!

Things went a little better this morning despite me being woken by Jude at my usual rise & shine time of 5:30. Eve had managed to get upstairs into our bed at some point & Louise had gone downstairs at Jack’s behest earlier… so I kept Jude pacified for awhile (quarter of an hour or so – which was not bad) before he made enough noise to wake Louise & I had to surrender to getting up. Eve managed to sleep through Jude’s noises.
Louise managed to get Jude asleep – so I sat about a bit downstairs until Eve realised she was alone & woke in tears. I went up 2 flight of stars to get her & then as I was coming down again realised that was perhaps rushing was not such a wise thing to do (this being out of breath is getting silly). Louise carried her down the rest of the way & then went off to have her shower while Eve sat on me & told me about all sorts of things that were running through her head, but which have evaporated from memory now.
Such is the morning routine. Jack woke, Jude woke, Eve got dressed, acted like a wild thing. Jack actually ate some breakfast. I read his school book with him & he did rather well. I haven’t managed to read with him for a while (bad dad!) but he’s definitely recognising more words & is more willing to think about word structure & letter sounds.
Confusion, & then they are away.
I’ve pottered for a bit & retired upstairs to write this and perhaps get some kip, but now I realise that there are a few little jobs to be on with downstairs – so a kip will have to wait… bah.

At home.

Another day off work.
Andy took me down to see the doctor on Monday – in the car – which was extraordinarily good of him. The dr’s waiting room was warm & the air must have been very dry as I felt the best I had for some time sitting in there. As it was an emergency booking as well, there was a while to wait. Andy stayed with me as well! Got to see the dr & had to do the take the Jacket & T-shirt off routine. He listened to my chest which was now hardy rattly & I felt a little like a fraud with flu. He then asked me to blow through a tube to see how my powerful breath was. I’m supposed to make 650 for someone my age etc on whatever the measurement for this is all based on, but I only managed 350. He then told me I have asthma (!!). Gave me steroids & antibiotics to take & an inhaler. Blimey!

As I started to write today I was just a little out of breath from descending 2 flights of stairs. At least I can feel I can do stairs at a reasonably normal pace. I’ve also not had to use the inhaler that much either. Only allowed 4 shots a day & I only needed 3 yesterday. Felt cruddy in the morning & threw up breakfast yesterday, (perhaps it’s the medication?) but started to feel less cruddy in the afternoon. By evening I even had a hunger pang. Satiated with a small bowl of cereal & a cup of tea.

Jack has not really liked me being at home. He does not understand that if I am off work, he still needs to go to school – it’s not fair. He made a fuss going off yesterday & today. On being collected from school yesterday he said to Louise that he did not feel well etc, but his teacher popped over to say that he’d been fine & enjoyed himself that day. Louise could see the ‘drat’ on his face when she did that.
I guess that’s the only upset to the daily routine I’ve really caused. I suspect as I was not eating yesterday tea time, Jack decided not to eat. He can be fickle at the best of times, so it’s kinda hard to be sure I can shoulder the blame for that one.

22:07

Jack was a bit ‘wild’ this evening. I think it’s down, basically to me being at home. A change of routine does not do him a lot of favours. We flared up at each other, & he got upset & angry. He calmed down with hugs & then some drawing/colouring & much sharpening of crayons.
Eve has had a haircut at last. A near bob – but at the 1st stage. She looks more impish than ever. She was also left at ‘school playgroup’ for an hour. Louise was able to get away. 1st time she’s let Louise do that since the end of the holidays & start of schools again. Her potty training is going well at the moment as well. She seems on form in general.
Jude is climbing up on anything he can. He wants to be standing up.
I am kinda keen to be back to work – to ‘normalise’ things. But Louise points out that I’m really not that much better. I still cough a lot (stomach weak from it) I still get out of breath quite easily & I am not eating anything approaching normally. So, I delay another day before returning. Try to ensure I’m on form tomorrow.
At least I am getting a good rest I don’t think I’ve managed to grasp as much sleep as I’ve had the past couple of days for ages. I sneak a sleep while Louise is off at playgroup. I am not constantly tired & that makes me feel quite good.

At home feeling v rough.
managed to book myself into the doctors yesterday – i was starting to worry about my breathing. I was winding me up at work as it was such hard work.
Getting home went from uncomfortable to desperately uncomfortable. I was finding coming up the road home a real task. Louise came out of the house to see how I was.
Even our neighbour Andy came out to see what was up. I guess I must have looked a state.

wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze – wheeze.
I ain’t well again. Unlike the last 2 Mondays I did manage to get some sleep, (cough medicine to calm me down) but I am immensely clogged up. Walking even makes me mildly out of breath. Bunged up, chesty cough, wheezing, aching limbs… my, you must have a spot of influenza Mr Schroeder…. duuuuuh.
What we been doing? If I could think straight, it would be a start, but I’m boringly narrowed in of feeling shite.
Eve has been a daredevil at playgroup – jumping off the slide (slide down halfway, and then leap). Louise had to tell her to stop it as others were failing to copy her, & were in danger of hurting themselves. Playgroups, from what Louise says, seems to be like a sitcom. The playgroup leaders are both dry & droll & some of the kids sound plain odd. There’s the boy. who. speaks. slowly. & deliberately. He was up to something the other day (playing with some anthropomorphic toy?) & Louise asked him what he was doing, “I’m. stabbing. him.” … Riiiiiight…. There’s also a couple of boys who roll around with monkey masks & monkey tails… OK… I’m sure it’s the same in playgroups up & down the country (ahem).

Oh – Friday 13th – how amusing.
Jude didn’t sleep too well last night – he has a similar sort of cough to me – a bit in the chest. Louise is going to take him at least to the pharmacist today to see if there’s anything that might assist alleviation of symptoms.
For a disturbed night, I don’t feel too bad, but my neck is rather stiff & I feel distinctly uncomfortable looking down to type.
I whitter a lot about sleep at the moment – probably because I’m greedy for more. To irk me Fortean Times also has an article on hypnagogic, or half sleep – one of the periods of sleep I really like best – that time between sleep & wake in the morning where you can really freewheel – but I never have the time to indulge any more – sigh… I can let my imagination play then without my conscious mind impeding it. Hey ho.
Right – I’m off to play (try a little light sleep) & rest my neck.

Indeed – typing was cut short yesterday.
My brain cannot think of a suitable point to start this morning… just sitting here with a big duuuhhh…
Got a new pair of jeans after work yesterday – that’s interesting isn’t it?
My computer at work has been downgraded – which is a bit of a drag.
ah – Louise snapped at me for doing something daft yesterday; I was holding Jude & pulled over my (now tepid) cup of tea – He got some on his foot – jerked him away & he cried – nasty shock… Louise took Jude off into the front room while I cleared up & suddenly Jack started crying. He was really upset. I stopped clearing up & went to see what was up & he could not tell me through sobs. It sounds bad, but he was not actually crying, & he was, after a while ‘forcing himself’ – that is to say, his crying seemed rather ‘labored’. Interesting. The reason he gave when he managed was that he thought that we were mad at each other (Louise & I). Well, yes, for a fleeting moment, but as always these things pass quickly. We do not generally bicker & we’re both poor at maintaining a grudge. The worst we tend to be is ‘snappy’. Jack’s reaction was interesting though… if a little melodramatic… I’ve been wondering why such a reaction came up? He has been very… pernickety at the moment. Louise had a trial of toast not being quite right yesterday – crusts toppings browness, I imagine – I cannot recall the details. He didn’t want his tea either, even though it was the same tea he ate with gusto last week. He has been loving & everything. Perhaps he’s not feeling very secure… I don’t know why though. He’s been getting a lot of ‘good behavior’ smiley stamps on his hands – but then again that could be insecurity & a desire to please. Sigh… Parents tend to worry when they think about things too much. He’s generally very happy sat the moment… Perhaps he’s been talking with someone at school whose parents have split. William’s back – his parents have split… Do kids of 5 talk about that sort of thing?