Archives: esme

Is eight years old too young for existential dread?  I don’t recall in Jude and Eve, but I suspect Jack may have tripped up in this (or similar)  at such an age, but these last few days Esme has been (when not occupied with distraction) a little gripped by a fear of death.  We don’t know what’s brought this on… on Sunday she had a little trouble getting to sleep; a tummy ache and then she was sick.  There didn’t seem to be a cause – but in retrospect her worry at it all may have been the start of the pattern of the last few days, with quite little questions about ever being scared about dying.  When that first came up I said no, as I don’t,  but did concede that as with everyone, it’s something we all occasionally worry about but not something that’s an active worry … and that she herself is a tough little cookie – she saw all pneumonia and pleurisy wheels pentel she was young.   Obviously I didn’t pay enough attention,  as she’s been worrying away at the matter quietly these last few days – all a little morbidly.   She wasn’t speaking when i got home yesterday, and and – well, it all seemed a little (on the surface)  forced, so she was told to (effectively) ‘stop being silly’ which (retrospectively) didn’t help, as worry insinuates where it can.  Retiring from us to probably watch ‘Stampy Cat and (ubiquitous? ) Squid’ do some mining (running about on YouTube in Minecraft*) she came back later doleful and red eyed, wound herself up and was sick in the sink.  Louise and I changed tack a little – tried again to assure her that she really, really has nothing to worry on, and poured in an extra helping of love, remindind her she is generally and genuinely a ‘happy bunny’.  She did perk up, and we hope it’s settling in a bit, but only time will tell.

*Louise [dislikes/tolerates] Minecraft but gets annoyed at their dependence on watching stuff on YouTube – so the combination of both is greeted with distain and skepticism – but I have to admit I find the antics of these two entertaining, and they do consider their audience … and they don’t have grating American accents.

As Esme is coy about her reason for feeling the way she is, Louise wonders if she’s been watching too much rubbish on YouTube, but I’m not convinced this is at the root of things – she is worried, and worried that we’ll disapprove whatever.   Thinking about it on that Sunday night she may have mentioned bad dreams – that might or might not point to a spontaneous cause.

Oh, Eve got back fine last Wednesday night – the only seeming problem being that she lost her phone (possibly near Notre Dame – loss off something being by nature unknowable in the definite) so all that effort to get thing onto the phone for entertainment was largely lost – hey ho.    Turns out getting that all sorted out was a lot easier than I’d anticipated, as part of the ‘deal’ with these phones I’ve got Jude and Eve was the cheapness of the contract allowing insurance to be part of of all – so it being insured, it’s already replaced.  This is in, marked contrast to Jude’s phone being repaired under manufacturers warranty,  which took nigh on a month.

Still…

They’re all on half term this week (wish I was).  Jack and Esme went off on a geocaching hike yesterday afternoon. They think they overshot the target (bridestones) and the sole of Esme’s welly came adrift so she was very muddy/soggy when they got back at dusk – and being father, I ended up muddy trying to pull the wounded welly off her.

Eve headed off to France, Friday night,  and what with the weather, we were a little worried, but as it turned out, there were only yawning delays.  I think they were supposed to get the ferry at some early hour (07:00ish) but ended up getting is some 11ish hours later.  I would hope the movies stuffed onto her phone and the battery charger thing bought for her turned out to be useful.  Jude was marked not 5o be able to dedicate time to minecrafting on the Friday,  as I was actually using my own computer to help sort Eve, rather than deferring to his usual monopalising – hey ho – he had most of the weekend there, as usual. 

Now Louise’s Nvq is all done she had a stress free(er) weekend, and Esme and I didn’t jaunt off somewhere to be out of the way.  An actual lazy Saturday,  but an industrious Sunday,  as I spent most of the day tidying the girls’ room (in Eve’s absence)  which… took a while.   All done: to the edges indeed.  Hopefully we’ll be able to better keep on top of things, after having heaved it ‘back’ to a semblance of sanity,  but.. that’s a toughy.

Tired this morning – that fog brain thing I get whin I don’t get enough sleep. Esme didn’t sleep well & spent a deal of time kicking about – which is not comfortable when she’s lying next to you.

One day we’ll have the bed to ourselves.

Jude started term with a bit of a bang… They’re starting their history thing & the class learned about the Black Death… It seems a vivid picture projected onto the whiteboard seems to have lodged firmly into his imagination & it sounds a s though he’s nearly had a panic attack about getting ‘black hands’. (There was someone with black hands in the picture). He had his inhalers with him (because of the cold – it is very cold at the moment) & was in need of them. He also needed to sit with Eve at lunch & Louise needed to sit with him for 15 mins in the library (?) after dropping Esme off at playgroup. As I say – his imagination was somewhat transfigured. After some chat & reassurance at bedtime he seems to have slept OK last night. Was not needful of further night time reassurance.