Written by: paul

Sunrise

06xi14 sunrise by Paul Schroeder on Flickr.

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I spent some time digging in the eaves on Sunday morning – some old artwork I’d had a hand in might be presented to the world as part of a larger project.  It was something I played an ancilliary role in producing,  but it’s me who has the original artwork, so my responsibility – no A3 scanner though, so no way to get a good copy – I have one copy of the comic, but cannot find others, so only half.  Must be somewhere, but I’m vague on things like this. 

It seems I’m mildly being pushed toward comics again – something I would like to be more ‘doing’, but oddly I do find I put up internal barriers – a little procrastination here and there.  I was hoping to get some technology sorted out (Windows tablet with proper pressure sensitive pen)  – this sort of thing always jollies me along – but I’ve been frustrated and thwarted on this level – disappointed, leaving me sending back things purchased as not working as advertised.  Still… that will come, it will.  Technology wise I have to rely on my phone, as there’s always someone (invariably Jude)  at the computer doing things (uh… Minecraft) so I don’t get a look in.  To impose myself on what’s considered the ‘family computer’ means dying by a thousand ‘huffs’ and ‘sighs’.  So now my laptop broke, I have just the phone that I can say is ‘mine’ and I need to use to this to get something done.  Very personal computer, this (at least)  doesn’t get shared.  So this new (failed, returning)  device was meant to replace the laptop – I had high hopes it would meet one of my main criteria when looking for ‘stuff’ being, “Can I draw with it? ” the promised, “Yes” is a resounding “No”.   I could grumble more, but that would be base grumbling.  What appeared to be a truth,  was not: thwarted.

So that level of procrastination has been eating up what time I don’t have, when i should be concentrating on other things.  It’s hard to be tough with yourself over motivation when you hung up petty on things like that.  I should finished those pencils, but I want to ink and certainly need to colour all this digitally, therfore while I could,  and should get this done, there a gaping ‘hole in the road’ to the next ‘step’.

Happiness caused by seeing sunset when back in town from work – the days are extending, to the point where i actually see proper daylight at both ends of the day.

Pancakes for tea – we all crowd round Louise in the kitchen as she cooks conveyor belt and we scurry off, gannet them down and scurry back.

nom-nom-nom

Holiday!
That’s nice.

Is eight years old too young for existential dread?  I don’t recall in Jude and Eve, but I suspect Jack may have tripped up in this (or similar)  at such an age, but these last few days Esme has been (when not occupied with distraction) a little gripped by a fear of death.  We don’t know what’s brought this on… on Sunday she had a little trouble getting to sleep; a tummy ache and then she was sick.  There didn’t seem to be a cause – but in retrospect her worry at it all may have been the start of the pattern of the last few days, with quite little questions about ever being scared about dying.  When that first came up I said no, as I don’t,  but did concede that as with everyone, it’s something we all occasionally worry about but not something that’s an active worry … and that she herself is a tough little cookie – she saw all pneumonia and pleurisy wheels pentel she was young.   Obviously I didn’t pay enough attention,  as she’s been worrying away at the matter quietly these last few days – all a little morbidly.   She wasn’t speaking when i got home yesterday, and and – well, it all seemed a little (on the surface)  forced, so she was told to (effectively) ‘stop being silly’ which (retrospectively) didn’t help, as worry insinuates where it can.  Retiring from us to probably watch ‘Stampy Cat and (ubiquitous? ) Squid’ do some mining (running about on YouTube in Minecraft*) she came back later doleful and red eyed, wound herself up and was sick in the sink.  Louise and I changed tack a little – tried again to assure her that she really, really has nothing to worry on, and poured in an extra helping of love, remindind her she is generally and genuinely a ‘happy bunny’.  She did perk up, and we hope it’s settling in a bit, but only time will tell.

*Louise [dislikes/tolerates] Minecraft but gets annoyed at their dependence on watching stuff on YouTube – so the combination of both is greeted with distain and skepticism – but I have to admit I find the antics of these two entertaining, and they do consider their audience … and they don’t have grating American accents.

As Esme is coy about her reason for feeling the way she is, Louise wonders if she’s been watching too much rubbish on YouTube, but I’m not convinced this is at the root of things – she is worried, and worried that we’ll disapprove whatever.   Thinking about it on that Sunday night she may have mentioned bad dreams – that might or might not point to a spontaneous cause.

Oh, Eve got back fine last Wednesday night – the only seeming problem being that she lost her phone (possibly near Notre Dame – loss off something being by nature unknowable in the definite) so all that effort to get thing onto the phone for entertainment was largely lost – hey ho.    Turns out getting that all sorted out was a lot easier than I’d anticipated, as part of the ‘deal’ with these phones I’ve got Jude and Eve was the cheapness of the contract allowing insurance to be part of of all – so it being insured, it’s already replaced.  This is in, marked contrast to Jude’s phone being repaired under manufacturers warranty,  which took nigh on a month.

Still…

They’re all on half term this week (wish I was).  Jack and Esme went off on a geocaching hike yesterday afternoon. They think they overshot the target (bridestones) and the sole of Esme’s welly came adrift so she was very muddy/soggy when they got back at dusk – and being father, I ended up muddy trying to pull the wounded welly off her.