Monthly Archives: August 2001

Full of good intention.  I thought I might
get to sleep sooner last night, but failed as usual. Did get all
the tweaks done on my website that I had intended, but did not
really get far enough to actually posting up a new ZUM! review or
2, which I had intended.  Ah, well.
Jack was really chatty yesterday.  Quite full of wanting to
tell me things & join in.  Louise said he had been all
day.  Louise’s mum had bought us a copy of the new Ikea
catalogue, (Louise’s auntie Cathleen had had it dropped on her
doorstep & had put it aside for us, & Louise’s mum picked
it up for us when she went round; Cathleen said that she had put it
aside as she thought that we might be interested, so Louise’s mum
brought it along for us, but she’s never had one delivered , &
she wonders why Cathleen has a delivery and… oh, sorry just
started relating ‘as told’ by Louise’s mum).  Where was I…
Ah, Jack went through he whole catalogue with me, chortling at
things he thought might be ‘funny’.  It would have been quite
amusing for me, had I not had quite such a testy day at work. 
Perhaps I was in a negative mood in general, but people calling up
with problems – things like; an involved
explanation of a problem, then a couple of questions on my part
that indicating that the imagined problem was nothing of the sort,
& then finding that they were not even in front of the computer
to do any diagnosis; and the general attitude of ‘business users’
when you answer the phone, greet them, & they greet you as if
they have just discovered a talking dog shit… sigh…  I
guess I’m feeling a little over busy at the moment.  Such
things do not usually bother me, I’m not exactly you’re ‘sensitive’
type in such matters, but you need the chance to maintain an
equilibrium between calls.  Not really possible at the
moment.  One of the company bosses called yesterday, I started
treating him as a normal caller; Opening schpiel, listen – ‘Problems
dialling’? OK are you windows or mac?…  He butted in & had
to tell me twice who he was before the cycle of ‘getting on with
it’ was broken.  ‘Problems dialling’ was about people trying to call me
– Hah!  “How many calls do you take?”  “I dunno – I just
answer the phone as much as possible”.  Oops started to rant
on there.
Jack was still in a burbling mood when he went to sleep – wanting
to tell me about his day in Hebden Bridge with mum &
grandma.  There was some burnt wood in the river (probably by
the playground) & something blocking the road at some
point.  I turned out the light, as he was keeping himself
awake with the chatter…   He was quite for a bit, &
then said, “I’m frightened,daddy.” which was a surprise.  He
was concerned about the shadows on the window – that were only the
shape of the window itself.  I hadn’t considered this… He is
getting more aware of is surroundings, as said before & he had
not really had the chance to drift off to sleep in the dark
recently as the days have been long enough for him to miss
them.  Poor little one.  I explained that it was the
window & there was no reason to be afraid, reassured that I was
there & he seemed to accept it, as he drifted off to sleep
OK… but …poor lamb.

More pollyfillering of walls last night.  Felt a bit exhausted
on going to bed… Odd really as I was not later than I would
normally be, & pollyfillering is not exactly a strenuous
activity – maybe a little stretching here & there, but that’s
yer lot!  Quipped, when done for the evening that I’d not be
doing this tomorrow, & Louise retorted, “Why?”.  I’m
wanting to do some ZUM! work & suchlike.  Louise is right
to be concerned that time is slipping by though.  She is 5
months pregnant & overall, I cannot really claim to feel we are
making that much progress.  In reality, it is progressing, but
I’m all to aware that it seems too little, & perhaps resent
being reminded of that.  I’ve kind of resolved to see how a
period of alternating nights between the computer & the
decorating goes.
There is just never enough time.
I have been asked to work Saturday morning again, due to there
being no one else to cover that shift.  When I say ‘asked’ I
really mean I have been marked down as in for that shift without
having been consulted.  Like anyone I would prefer to know
when things are changing.  In this instance it is rather
inconvenient as we have still to do a shopping expedition to get
clothes for Jack’s imminent school start.  This was planned
for Saturday…
My brain would like to stop now, it is feeling weighted by
tired.  Commuter zombee mode start…

Jack was still in this ‘at odds’ mood yesterday.  Louise was
saying that  he was trying to bait Eve, by playing with things
that she wanted to play with – thus not giving her much of a look
in.  She however if far more effective at teasing him then he
her.  Especially at the moment when he is so ‘fragile’. For
instance, trains again:  he is paying with his trains &
she walks up & pick one of the ones he is playing with. 
He immediately erupts in complaint – loud & near tearful. 
She regards him a moment & casts the train down 
again.  I’ve seen her do this a couple of times.  If Jack
does this to Eve, it’s 50/50 as to whether she will react or
ignore… actually, it’s probably more likely she will
ignore.  Jack does not seem to have the upper hand in this
‘game’.  Episodes of snatching & howling do occur
though.  We have a brio-esque wooden train track & trains
& have recently got a couple of battery operated engines to go
with it (one actually Brio branded – lummy!).  Last night they
tried to play with them, but… Jack had it in mind that he wanted
all the trains…  It all got very loud, & ultimately, as
Jack was incapable of sharing, the battery engines were taken
away.  Choices or sharing or removal were given, but
ignored.  Cautions were given – but shouted replies, &
ignored – so they had to be put away.  Jack was rather
inconsolable for a bit, but after the excuse of going for a wee
& therefore removed from the room he calmed quickly.  He
was too upset to go to the toilet himself – wanted Louise to carry
him, but she was too tired to take him upstairs… He did not want
me to take him to the toilet, so it ended in the compromise of me
hoisting the wailing boy up the stairs (I jumped him up – dropping
his feet onto each stair – which altho upset amused him) &
Louise taking him to the toilet.
Ah, the things parents do… But as Louise pointed out later –
these things seem trivial to us, but in his world view, where he
has so little control, such things feature large.
Jack does seem to have reached another level of ‘conscious’… He
seems more aware of his surroundings… He is certainly getting
very interested in writing, & will sit writing out words. 
He will ask how you spell a word, & you have to verbally spell
it out so he can write it down.  The results are sometimes a
little odd, but sometimes also rather impressive (from a proud dad
perspective).  Having taken longer on forming letterforms he
also sometimes slows down with his drawing & is taking more
care on what he does – resulting in some rather good drawings
too.  I am too aware that I have the potential to become a
pushy parent with drawing, so I just let him do what he wants.
Eve is eating loads at the moment & growing with it. She seems
to have gone through one of those moments when you realise that she
is a larger version of her former self.  In many ways – since
she has been walking, she has changed little, but such things are
subtle, as I’m sure she’s changed a great deal in reality.  As
enthusiastic as ever & loud, but uses more words (vocabulary
gradually expands).

Watching the clouds this morning on the station platform. 
Mainly blue sky, with a smattering of mackerel clouds (scientific
names lost years ago).  When I looked out of the window as I
got up this morning, there was mist lurking up the valley. 
This had mostly dissipated when I set off for work.  There
were wisps of misty  cloud in the sky & I was watching it
turn so slowly into mackerel.
Shame, but it seems that the days are noticeably starting to
shrink… sigh.  Waking in the morning, & the sun is only
just starting to make it’s presence felt.  Never really knew
when sunrise was supposed to be, but it was light enough to see
everything, but dull enough indoors to warrant a light being put on
to accompany breakfast.  A light also has to be put on for
reading if the kids are slightly late off to bed at the moment as
well.
This morning waiting at the station, crisp cold air & warm
sunlight.  I don’t think I’m ready to relinquish this year
yet.
Busy weekend. 2 days off due to working the Saturday, but at least
Bank Holiday made up the day!
Started Sunday business quite early.  Caroline, our
neighbour, was making a start on her side of our hedge. 
Panged by the guilt that I had not yet managed to get the half of
our side done all year (looking a distinctly afro-privet) &
started on that.  Also, it spurred Jack into getting dressed
to come out & join me (there are time when he just does not
want to get out of his pajamas).  Jack enjoyed himself
helping.  Even got to have a few goes with the electric hedge
trimmer.  It was held by me at all times though.  All
done – took a bit longer than intended, but all done. 
Caroline took the trimmings off to the town dump for us as well –
which was very good of her.  She is very good to us like that
though.
Up to the attic next (with Jack helping again).  Cleared out
the dust & debris from one of the attic eaves.  A job
started previously, but not finished.  Eve stayed downstairs
with Louise pottering between Louise &  the garden.. 
Not such a good day for Louise, as she had intended to get out –
that we go to Hebden Bridge or something, but as the hedge had
already taken longer than intended, it seemed off.  I think
this disappointed her a little; as have had a long working week
just previous, she has also.  She was looking forward to
getting out from the usual routine, & there was me trapping her
for another day.
Jack ultimately got bored of my cleaning in the attic, as there
was not that much that he could do.  I reached the limit of
what I could move back under the eaves as well.  We were all
very grubby; Eve as well, as Louise & Eve came up & 
joined us after Jack went downstairs to complain how boring it all
was.
All got clean again & I went out to the garden again &
Jack helped to cut the grass.  He got the hang of the hover
mower quite well, even figuring out the safety button to press
before the ‘on’ handle would activate.  Tidied up the grass
& edges & did a little weeding, by which time, it was tea
time.  Lawks!  Mind you – it’s amazing how much tidier
the garden looks now.  A little bit of a sense of achievement
as I never usually manage such a concentration of work.  Also
aching limbs the next day.  I hope Jack doesn’t expect that I
do such every weekend now!
Monday – shopping in Leeds – a few things bought for Jack’s
forthcoming school days & I managed to sneak in a trip to the
comic shop & popped into a record shop & got Lorimer’s 1st single. All
went smoothly enough, although Jack seems a little fragile
yesterday & did not take disappointment or frustration very
well.  Signs were there when he was getting tearful that his
trains were not joining together like they should.

Here sitting at work, typing on the emate.
Yeah… At ‘work’.
I do not normally do the Saturday morning shift, but then I will
have Monday off, so… better than working Monday in my opinion as
that’s a Sunday Shift (being Bank Holiday) & although I would
be in later, but also not be able to get home until later… &
I don’t want to be doing that! Keith normally does this shift – but
he’s on hols.
Just a longer week.
It’s not as busy, by any stretch of the imagination…

Train home… Well, that wasn’t too bad. A bit like the old days
before we took on more work & lost some staff. Was able to
concentrate on things for more than 5 minutes, which was a bonus.
Not bad. Train home cancelled, but the next one is fine. Meeting
Louise from the train to go to the supermarket so that we can get
that weekly shop out of the way. Insignificant details creep into
‘diary writing’. I wish I could filter better.
Eve woke a couple of times in the night. She’s cutting teeth
again. Canines this time, & they can be a little torturous.
It’s thrown her equilibrium a bit. For instance she had had an
afternoon nap yesterday, & was still grumpy when I got home
from work; delicate & not at all happy. Gave her a little
Calpol, & she brightened after that started working, so they
must have been giving her gyp.
Louise called work this morning at @ 8:30, & Jack was still
asleep! Wow – that must be one of his longer lie-ins ever! Why can
he not do that on weekdays… Mind you, when it comes to impending
school days, then there will be none of that. It’s gong to be a
fundamental change in the families daily routine

Louise was chatting about what the kids had been doing the day
before as we were drifting off to sleep last night. The kids have
been real charming, by the sound of it… but can I remember a
single detail? Can I heck as like. Usual morning brain fog. No
thought swim in my head – just the surface activity of moving from
A to B & these words that pop to the ends of my fingers as I
type.
My typical dilemma of not being able to think; creatively or
otherwise. Or was that ‘concentrate’? Oh, never mind… Manchester
arrives at the train so I have to make me arrive at
work.

Was a good boy yesterday. I did not prat about on my computer all
night… I did not touch it even. From the kids going to sleep I
slapped polyfiller of our (to be the kids) bedroom. Attempting to
make the walls smoother before an application of lining paper.
There are also a few dodgy bits of plastering old & new) that
need smoothing out. While going over the new plastered area it
struck me that the previous owners of the house were happy to put
up with really slipshod work. Terrible plastering – no finish to it
at all. Our newly plastered attic room has lovely smooth plaster –
really nice, & I will eventually get around to decorating it
how we want – essentially just varnishing the plaster. Louise
thinks I’m too fussy with all this pollyfillering, & should
speed it all up. Not really in my nature to skimp on this bit &
I am making progresses at last. Just have to remain focussed n
getting it sorted as we don’t want the same situation as Jack’s
room which was not finished until well after he was born.
“focussss paaauuulllll”
“oooh pretty thing on the computer!”
“fo.o.o.cs………”
“Now then, what was I doing? Ah yes, I’ll just go & prat about
looking for something pointless on the Internet”
“doh”
The kids have been playing well together these last few days,
Louise reports. They have been in generally good moods while they have
been around as well. None of that pettiness that they can get up to
like snatching & brawling. When I got home yesterday Jack had
been decorating. He’d used old birthday/Xmas card & put them up
with pegs anywhere he could. The ones on the stair banister looked
particularly fetching.

Groggy morning. John Peel woke me last night playing something
between Techno & Gabba on the World Service (we tend to have
the radio on through the night). Not wholly unpleasant & there
was a good tune after that track, but I was not really conscious
enough to pay attention. I miss not listening to Peely music shows,
& that sort of rousing from slumber is often all I get. Hey
ho.
We cut Eve’s hair a little the other day. She’d already had her
fringe trimmed when Jack had his last cut, but the back was
starting to get a little flyaway, so we reduced it to a bob…
which has worked surprisingly well – neat & even. As she is not
one for keeping still we did fear we would make a pig’s ear of it,
but it’s cute… & sort of ‘Christopher Robin’, in the modes of
hairdo you see young Christopher illustrated with in the Whinnie
the Pooh books. We are not so confident in thinking that this is
something we might attempt to maintain. It may be the hairdressers
again next time. Louise managed to get her hair cut yesterday, as
she was starting to feel uncomfortable with it, so that’s all of us
done now – no mop head family.
Ug… Not particularly inclined to write this morning. Groggy –
brain not really picking up & going through any thought
processes.
I have had a few reviews in for ZUM! & have been busying
myself with a little site maintenance there, so at least I feel I’m
achieving a little at the moment. Not so much as being able to
concentrate to do reviews myself, but hope still lingers.
Thinking of putting a weekly music file up on my diary pages –
what I’m currently fixated on musically. Now I’ve mentioned it, I
guess I will have to implement it. Recently been downloading some
old JAMMs from way back – 87 I think. I rather wish there was a Mac
version of the audiogalaxy
satellite.

Did not get to tidy the attic later. The day slipped by too lazy
& I ended up even falling asleep on the sofa at one point for a
few minutes. It seems I am more likely to have a daytime sleep than
Eve at the moment, as although she was plainly jiggered yesterday,
she absolutely refused to snooze.
Got an email from my brother Neil on Friday night reminding us of
Jess & his engagement party in about 4 weeks. Guilt descends.
Louise & I are quite reticent about attending. It’s not like we
don’t want to go, it would be good to get away, but the factors of
travelling, accommodation, time off work, Jack starting school,
& the basic long & short of no money really look to be
precluding the decision. Bah.
Called Mum & Dad to talk it over & initially got through
to dad as he tidied up at the restaurant. He was basically full of
the common sense advice I would expect, & tempered the feelings
of guilt we had about our difficulties in attending, but did leave
the door open by noting, if we needed we could stay down with
them.
Dad called mum at home who called us. Neil, it appears, had asked
mum to see if she could persuade us to come (so he must have
guessed our procrastination). Well, perhaps it miiight have worked
if I had spoken to mum 1st instead of dad, as the guilt factor
might have swung it, but mum knows me well enough to know when
further discussion will only make me dig my heels in. Sigh, it
would be really good to go, but the all round logistics will leave
us, well, struggling for too long afterwards. I now have the
difficult task of replying to Neil.
At least we got the reply to the unreasonable fee the Emergency Plumber we had
back in May who managed to do precisely
nothing to help us. I say ‘we’, but Louise crafted the letter as she is a lot
more precise in writing such things than I. One less thing hanging over us. We
do not expect to pay nothing, but we don’t expect to pay for nothing.

Nice & lazy day thus far. Up earlier that I would have liked,
but then we have kids, so this is normal. I was grumpy at actually
having to be awake though… Ah, well.
It’s the Caption convention weekend & when we woke (even
earlier) yesterday we played with the idea of just hopping on a
train & going, but no; it was just play.
We did set out for a different location yesterday: Skipton. Never
been there before, possibly as it’s just outside West Yorkshire,
& thus travel there, although not much further than many places
we venture, is that little more expensive. Curious, as a town it
reminded me quite a bit of Wells, in Somerset. House & streets
seem familiar in aspect, if not layout. We had a very pleasant walk
on a wall between the castle moat & river that feeds it. It
leads up to the wood there, which seems a popular walk, but is
closed at the moment due to ‘Foot & Mouth’. Actually, that’s
the 1st time it’s had a direct affect on something we do. Not sure
if we would have ventured on anyway, as walking in woods with a
pushchair does not seem an ideal way of getting about. It was
closed to protect the deer in the woods.
Having been mildly disappointed by a curtailed walk we opted to
bite the bullet & actually pay to go into the castle itself.
The kids loved it – may steps to go up & down & rooms to
run around in. As there were no ornaments & foolish nic-nacs on
display there was no damage they could do, so apart from stopping
them doing patently foolish things, they were free to do what they
wanted, which they loved.
Jack was asking this morning if we could go again today. As there
was no chance today, he asked whether next week…
Have no aims today, perhaps a little tidying in the attic later.
Hamish, Amber, Jack & Eve are playing on the backstreet at the
moment, & as Jack has not realised I am typing I have got away
with it. I stop now though.